For many years within my life, my friendships seemed to solely be based upon the season of life I happened to be in at the time and they also either succeeded or failed based on that same premise....by that I mean, whether I was in grade school, my adolescent years, early adulthood and even now into middle adulthood; the quality and health of my friendships always seemed to reflect the "mindset" that I held at that time in my life....
Unfortunately for many of those years, my idea of friendship was centered in generalities and surface relating...it seemed that within most of my relationships the tougher, meaner and "faster talking" you could be; the better off you were and the more respect you earned...naturally, those relationships often left me feeling wounded and worse yet, I often did my own fair share of wounding others!!! Needless to say, I've had many more failures in my relationships with other women than I've had successes.....
Thankfully,God, in His infinite grace, allowed over the years, a few of those rare people to cross my path who just seemed to know how to do friendship well...and in observing them, He whet my appetite and desire to follow their lead and learn how to become the type of friend that I desired to have....
In Beth Moore's study on the life of King David, I was encouraged and blessed to study the example of friendship that existed between Jonathan (son of King Saul) and David...theirs was nothing more or less than an absolutely beautiful example of Godly, Covenant friendship between 2 people. Taking a deeper look at the friendship shared between these 2 men, re-surged my desire to do friendship well and as I sought deeper study and prayer on the subject, God lead me to an article titled: "How to be a Good Friend" which was written by Dr.'s Les and Leslie Parrot, who are among other things, the Co-Directors of the Center for Relationship Development at Seattle Pacific University. In the article, they shared 10 powerful principles that may at first glance seem quite obvious, but just as we are often so careful to live preventive lives as it relates to our health and physical well-being, I feel strongly that a little remembrance and repetition can also go a very long way in proactively caring for and being good stewards of our friendships as well.....
Principle #1. Make Time- Make time for one another's significant life events, moments of crisis and for sharing the everyday, mundane moments of life.
Principle #2. Keeping a Secret/Confidence-We need to be able to share our confidences with people who are first and foremost trustworthy, and who consider it a privilege to hear what's on our minds and in our hearts.
Principle#3. Care Deeply-Make the effort to move beyond surface-level in your relationships...Expressing care involves both your head and heart and says "whatever happens to you happens to me."
Principle #4. Provide Space-Be careful never to become emotionally needy, smothering or overly engaged in friendship. This type of companionship quickly becomes oppressive and possessive; thereby hindering the free-flow of Godly relationship.
Principle #5. Speak The Truth-Honesty is a prerequisite for Godly friendship. There must be a willingness to speak the truth, and a willingness to hear the truth.
Principle #6. Forgive Faults-Every friend you have will eventually disappoint you. You can count on it. They are ordinary people. Lasting friendship depends on forgiveness. Some slights will need only be overlooked and forgotten; while others will require profound forgiveness. The friendship may not continue unless there is also reconciliation, which requires each party to own up to the truth of the fault and see the pain it caused.
Principle #7. Remain Faithful-Faithfulness is another evidence of healthy friendship. Friends do not desert you, even when you are in trouble, or when it costs them something to remain your friend.
Principle #8. Laugh Easily-Laughter keeps good friendships going once they're born.
Principle #9. Celebrate Successes- It is great to stick with friends in bad times, but sometimes the true test of a friend's staying power is in their ability to be supportive when things are going well. A good friend will genuinely be happy for you and rejoice with you.
Principle #10 Prayer-Prayer catapults Godly friendship into the deepest and highest work of the Spirit by involving God in the relationship and making all of the aforementioned principles do-able through Him. (1)
Please understand that I do not use this list as some legalistic set of checks and balances, but rather as a "gage" to remind myself of where I can perhaps do better and take greater care of the precious Sisters that God has grafted into my life....It is my prayer for each of us, and encouragement as well, that we might all remember and seek to incorporate these principles in the relationships that God has so lovingly and graciously bestowed upon us
"The Spirit of God sometimes cements two people together as part of His plan" (2) , this was certainly the case in the lives of Jonathan and King David... "They were uncommon friends joined by a common bond: The Spirit of God" (3)..... may we all be blessed to have at least one such friend during the course of this life....
1." How to be a Good Friend" Dr. Les and Leslie Parrot: Crosswalk.com/ Spiritual Life
2. "David: Seeking A Heart Like His" Beth Moore pg. 48, Lifeway Press 2010
3. "David Seeking A Heart Like His" Beth Moore pg. 48, Lifeway Press 2010
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