Over the past few months, I've been seeking God....asking Him to remove the "sting" out of some hurt feelings I've been carrying around......At first glance, today's scripture reference may seem like it has absolutely nothing at all to do with the importance of forgiveness....but His message to me via my study of that Scripture last week, couldn't have been more clear; and as He always does.....He spoke that message to my heart loudly and beautifully!You see, I began meditating on those amazing words....." Even before He made the world....." and as I did, God began to paint a vivid picture.....even before He made the world, God looked down through the corridor's of time and determined to love me, adopt me, forgive me and cleanse me in Christ....He determined to overlook and remember no more every sin I'll ever commit....long before I took my very first breath.....it was all a finished work in my life long before the very foundation's of this earth were ever laid.....
This picture began to take on a life of it's own as the immense weight of God's amazing, amazing grace began to settle on my heart afresh!
Every one of my sins forgiven.....every shortcoming forgotten.....every single mistake, and outright dastardly deed covered....no, submerged in the Precious, Powerful blood of Jesus......
And as if this fresh revelation hadn't already sufficiently crushed my heart, God led me to read the Bible's commentary explanation of this verse......"Paul says that God "chose us" to emphasize that salvation depends totally on God. We are not saved because we deserve it but because God is gracious and freely gives salvation. We did not influence God's decision to save us: he saved us according to his plan. Thus, there is no way to take credit for our salvation or to allow room for pride. The mystery of salvation originated in the timeless mind of God long before we existed. it is hard to understand how God could accept us. But because of Christ, we are holy and blameless in his sight; God chose us, and when we belong to him through Jesus Christ, God looks at us as if we had never sinned. All we can do is express our thanks for his wonderful love......." (1)
WHEW!!!!! That was all she wrote and the pencil broke....along with my heart......cause it hit me like a ton of bricks that in wallowing in my "hurt" I've been in effect, taking credit for my gift of salvation and I've certainly been operating in pride!!! Not in simply being hurt....that part was legitimate and real....after all, hurt happens in this life.....but in my dragging it around, and refusing to let it go; I have been declaring others "responsible" and let me just say, it rocked my world in NO small way to be reminded that Almighty God has done the exact opposite for me....He's held me responsible for nothing.
Yes, I've been hurt...that's true.....but that still small voice of His reminded me that over the course of my life, I've hurt others too.....yes, I've been sinned against, and once again, I was reminded that I've sinned against others as well.....more importantly, I was reminded that just like I can continue to expect to be hurt and sinned against on this side of life.....I would do well to remember that I too can continue to expect to blow it and unfortunately, do more of the same to others....
That's when the "lightbulb"in my brain clicked back on......God knew all of that....He KNOWS all of that about me and yet, He chose to love me into His family anyway...better yet, He chooses to keep me in His family anyway, and it's not because of anything I've done...or not done for that matter, but simply because of His unconditional gift of love! He had lovingly reminded me of the depths of His grace, and how desperately I needed it...even before He created the world I needed it; and just like I desperately need His grace, I also just as desperately need to extend it others.....I need to tear down every Satanic wall and stronghold around me which demonstrates any forgetfulness of the measure of the magnificent gift to which I have been a recipient.....Not a participant.....
So I started naming offenses, they rolled off of my tongue with ease....but this time, at the end of every one....I assured Him I was repenting of holding them AND letting them go.... I was walking away from, forgetting, and turning my back on them just like He has faithfully turned His back on and forgotten every one of mine.....
Yes, accountability certainly has it's place.....I'm not at all saying that it doesn't. We all know that there are definitely consequences to our sin......I guess all I am saying is that I have finally humbled myself to see that holding and insisting on accountability is a burden that is far too great for me to carry and ultimately, one I don't even have "the right" to carry anyway.....so, I have gladly let go, and am letting God be the Healer, Lover and Victor over my soul that He has always been.....better yet, I'm finally, for the first time in my life, really learning to live unoffended.......I've got a long way to go....but it helps me to know that my God will faithfully teach this lesson to my heart when I need to be reminded of it....not because I deserve it....but just because He loves me!
1. Excerpted from: The Chronological Life Application Study Bible; Tyndale House Publishers, Inc; Carol Stream, Illinois; October 2007
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