We only need to look about us to see the pain and suffering that is prevalent everywhere in this world. Perhaps it’s only my perspective, but loss, illness, accidents and natural disasters seem to be touching our lives and the lives of those we know and love with a startlingly increased regularity….these tragedies often leave us reeling, filled with grief, questions and if we’re not careful, a sense of permanent despair….
Grief is a universal thread that runs through the tapestry of each of our lives from time to time. I experienced a pivotal season of deep grief which began in 1998 and continues on occasion, even now; as a result of losing both of my parents to cancer within a 4 month stretch of time. Actually, my grieving process began in 1993, when my mother was first diagnosed with her cancer and it just sort of continued on once my dad received his own diagnosis, up through the time frame of when they both passed away……When I tell you that that was the hardest, darkest season of my life up to that point, please also forgive me as I coin a very cliche' phrase and say, "that is an understatement."
In my journey through grief, I began to wrestle with God….I questioned His Sovereignty, I questioned His Wisdom, I questioned His Goodness and I questioned my faith and trust in Him….amidst all of my questioning, I one day found myself at a crossroads with Him….Suddenly, I knew in my spirit, that I had a choice to make…..either I could still choose to believe that God was everything His Word says that He is….press into Him and let Him heal me, or I could continue to push Him away and remain broken. As I’ve looked back on this period of time in my life, I’ve titled it…”The Great Paradox” because while this season was one that I would have never willingly signed up for and one I would’ve never asked for in a million years to be sure, it also proved to be the absolute sweetest time of intimacy that I’d ever experienced with God. As I made the choice to believe that everything I had heard about Him was true, He readily set about proving every ounce of that truth to my wounded heart and spirit…..
When I asked Him "How He could allow such a thing to take place in the life of my family?" I never heard His voice audibly, but He set about bringing to my heart and mind 1 Corinthians 15:26 which says that “Death is the last enemy to be destroyed.” (NIV), He lovingly reminded me that death itself was the ultimate culprit behind my crushed heart and struggle. He then gently helped me recall that it was the sin of man that ushered death into this world; which was never part of His original plan for us in the first place…..Lastly, He reminded me that He is the owner of all things….even those I love…..He reminded me that I no more “owned” my parents than did they ever “own” me….He reminded me that He had entrusted all of us to one another for a season of time and although He did not “license” death, it was still His place alone to decide when and how that season would end…..
When I accused Him of "not understanding my suffering" He reminded me that He had watched His own Son die a brutal, horrible death while He had simply had to turn His head and stand by and do nothing just so I, and anyone else who desires it, can have a personal relationship with Him in this life and for all eternity….His words resonated in my spirit and taught me that He perfectly understood my suffering….
When I told Him "I couldn’t fathom how I would ever again experience any joy in the future"….to help me avoid living the rest of my days with a permanent sense of hopelessness and despair, He reminded me that my joy is anchored in Christ and not my circumstances….He reminded me that because my parents knew His Son as their Savior, they were now with Him, just as He was still, and always would be with me, simply because of my own personal relationship with Him......He reminded me that no experience is ever wasted in the lives of His children…He reminded me that He has promised in His Word to work everything in my life out for my good and He demonstrated to me over the fullnes of time, that He could be trusted to keep His promise. He has faithfully comforted me and given me a story to share with countless others when they are in the midst of life’s deepest hurts and disappointments…..So, if you find yourself traveling through the valley of grief today…I encourage you to seek His face….He is the only One who can redeem our hurts and in the process, give us a testimony to share with others that can aide them in their greatest times of sorrow and need….our God is not careless and thoughtless in how He works…..if death has called someone dear to you from this life into the next, He does not take lightly the pain and brokenness this has caused in your heart…..How do I know? Because He has lovingly and faithfully shown me so……
Your “Great Paradox” may manifest itself in your life in an entirely different way than mine, nevertheless, He is and always will be the God of all comfort….won’t you purpose to meet Him at the center of your suffering? I promise you; He’ll prove Himself to be the God of all comfort for you as well …
