Today I am coining a phrase from my kiddos..."Haters..." to be sure, we've all heard that word and rightly know what it means...Mary Southerland has written a book in which she calls them "Sandpaper People..." (1)
However you term them, I'm sure at one time or another, we have all experienced the painful, discouraging reality of dealing with those for whom we have had to do nothing more than be who we are, in order to get under their skin and for them to flat out dislike us....or perhaps, and sadder still, we may have to repent and confess before God to the truth of being someone else's Hater....
Either way, I see shirts all over the place these days...I'm certain you've seen them too..."I <3 My Haters", "Gotta <3 A Hater" and yes, "Don't Hate...Appreciate..." these mantras of today are just new words used to speak to an age-old issue...enemies....
In most cases, we can't live with 'em....but, I dare to offer, that in God's economy, we shouldn't live without 'em either....Now, I know that most of you probably think I have taken leave of my senses, but we need only re-read today's scripture reference to know that I haven't....
Understand, I am not talking about inviting folks smack over into the middle of our lives to wreak havoc.... boundaries are healthy and necessary....No, I am talking about God's economy, and in God's glorious economy, things are just....well, different....there is no waste or lack in His hands....in His Word are many promises and we can know each one of them to be true if we just trust Him....
It's taken me years to learn that our "Hater's" or "Sandpaper People" can and do serve a very useful purpose in our lives....naturally, this requires some "adjustment of focus" on our part, but it's true....
First, as we begin to adjust our focus from them to God...we find an abundance of (His) strength in our weakness, the ability to supernaturally love others through Him, and best of all, Holy refinement for our humanity and the coarse edges of our own personalities....
You see, God will often allow the constant grating on us by those who don't care for us simply to make us more like Jesus....not perfect of course, but more grown-up in the Spirit and far more inclined toward grace, love, compassion and all of the qualities that reveal the character of God in us....
One of the most valuable lessons God ever taught me in dealing with those who have served this purpose in my life, came on a day when I found myself in prayer...lamenting, yet again, over what I perceived as unfair treatment and hurtful behavior being leveled in my direction....suddenly.... in my mind's eye.... there we were...my Sandpaper person and I....standing at the foot of the cross as Jesus hung there....and then a question proceeded to ring out loud and clear in my spirit...."Which one of you did I die for?...." as the remembrance and conviction began to settle on me of how level the playing field is at the foot of the cross, I purposed then, before Him to endeavor (with His power) to never look at the difficult people and relationships in my life the way I had up to that point.....
I wish I could say that it has been an easy process to live in that truth every day...I wish I could say that I have always succeeded at doing so....but alas, I cannot...on either account.....
I will say though, that I have learned to be more willing to give people over to God...to allow Him room and time to work in their hearts and lives and to trust that even the hardship, difficult situations, people and relationships which He has allowed to touch my life, are in fact, serving a far greater purpose...a purpose, I admit, I may not ever fully understand on this side of life, but one I fully expect to see unfolded in eternity......
So, be encouraged today, My Friends.... Don't hate....but rather allow God to stretch, grow you and adjust your focus on that tough relationship or difficult person....begin to pray.....or continue in prayer for them, and appreciate the fact that in His hands, all things are somehow working together as they should.....
1. "Sandpaper People: Dealing with the Ones Who Rub You the Wrong Way" by Mary Southerland; Harvest House Publishers 2005
